


Hey, Let's Make Everyone Super Uncomfortable With Our Adorable Relationship

by captain_americano



Series: So Does This Mean We're Dating Now? [2]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers - All Media Types
Genre: Awkwardness, Established Relationship, Flirting, Fluff, M/M, Messing with the avengers, Pet Names, Sexy Times, So is Steve, Tony is fed up, Why do I always leave Clint out?, annoying couples, i love Clint i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2017-06-05
Packaged: 2018-11-09 08:25:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11100726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captain_americano/pseuds/captain_americano
Summary: AKA that time Peter makes an awkward joke and everyone is creeped out.AKA Peter you can't say that in public!AKA DO NOT HAVE SEX ON THE KITCHEN BENCH, SPIDEYPOOL. SERIOUSLY.*Can be read as a standalone*





	Hey, Let's Make Everyone Super Uncomfortable With Our Adorable Relationship

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there, hi there, ho ho ho there. Here's the sequel no one wanted!
> 
> (Well, that's not strictly true, the lovely Zoë put in a request for me to write spideypool being super couple-y on a mission and creeping everyone out. I interpreted that in my own way, and I really hope it's as 'bloody hilarious' as your faith in me, baby doll!)

The first time Peter and Wade creep their teammates out, it's totally Peter's fault, and he owns that. He'd just had a momentary lapse in sanity, and forgotten he was surrounded by the Avengers, who didn't quite have the same sense of humour as him and his boyfriend (BOYFRIEND!)

The team had assembled in the Tower's reinforced gym, and under Steve's instructions had paired off to practice hand-to-hand combat. None of them were suited up, except for Banner, who was Hulked out, and biffing with Thor.

Peter, naturally, had chosen Wade, who had somehow managed to get the upper hand, and had trapped him in a chokehold from behind.

"Choke me harder, Daddy," Peter gasped, elbowing Wade in the stomach. Several things happened at once -- Wade snorted with laughter and loosened his grip marginally, Steve faltered so bad Natasha managed to pin him without batting an eyelid, and Hulk stopped pummelling Thor in order to openly gape at Peter.

"Say it again," Wade moaned in his ear, grinding down against Peter's ass.

"Wade, _no,_ I was _joking!_ Get off me, you idiot," Peter hissed, blushing horribly as Tony pointedly cleared his throat.

"What?" Wade snapped at Stark, sounding annoyed and releasing his grip on Peter.

"I, uh, think it might be time to switch up sparring partners," Steve said, still pinned beneath Natasha, looking as embarrassed as Peter felt.

Peter couldn't quite get his blush to die down during the rest of the training session.

"So, we gonna talk about that, Baby Boy?" Wade asked quietly as training wrapped up and they found a quiet corner of the gym to cool down.

"I'm just," Peter hesitated, his cheeks heating again, "I'm so used to talkin' shit when I'm with you, I sometimes forget we're not always alone. I didn't mean to give Steve a hernia!"

"Was it a hernia, or was he just happy to see us?" Wade mused, before shaking his head and grinning. "But did you _see_ how freaked out the rest of them were? I mean, _come on!_ Look at the power we hold, Baby Boy!"

"Seeing Tony speechless was kind of hilarious," Peter confessed, guiltily.

"Damn straight it was! I think we should consider using this to our benefit," Wade said decisively.

"What, you want to purposely creep out our teammates?" Peter asked, unsure.

"Yep," Wade nodded enthusiastically, popping the 'p'.

"That's… diabolical," Peter said carefully.

"You in?"

"Oh, _hells_ yeah."

 

* * *

 

The next time it happened was decidedly not accidental, and Peter _loved_ the reactions.

They were out in the field, nothing too dangerous, just some un-beta tested Doom Bots confined to a small, quiet corner of Central Park.

"How many have you taken down, my turtle dove?" Deadpool called as Spider-Man swung by, landing cleanly on the shoulders of a Bot.

"Fourteen, my pookie-bear," Peter answered, grinning behind his mask, and ripping the Bot's head off, tossing it at Wade's feet. "Fifteen," he corrected, flipping backwards off the Bot.

"Tsk, tsk, Spidey, I'm at twenty-three. I'm still proud of you, though, my widdle wuv bug," Wade cooed.

"What'd I say about chatter over the comms?" Steve snapped as he brought his shield down into the chest of a Bot in the distance.

"Sorry, Cap," Peter and Wade chorused together. They really weren't, nor were they going to stop.

"After this, I'm thinkin' Mexican, Baby Boy," Wade commented, slicing a Bot in half with Bea. Or was it Arthur?

"Only if I get _you_ for dessert, Big Boy," Peter cackled as Steve and Tony shouted _"Chatter!"_ angrily down the comms.

Peter and Wade had shown up late for the debrief, stuck behind finishing off the last of the Bots after the rest of the team got sick of them and headed back to the Tower early. By the time they made it back to the Tower, there was only one seat left at the conference table. As they snuck in, Peter shot Fury an apologetic glance, which was somewhat undermined when Wade took the remaining seat, and Peter planted himself on his boyfriend's lap.

Fury, to his credit, powered through his explanation without faltering. Right up until Wade started leaving wet, loud kisses on Peter's neck. And of course when Wade did that, Peter couldn't help letting out breathy sighs.

"Enough," Tony shouted, slamming his fist down on the table, causing Peter and Wade to jump. "Enough'a this dumb teenage _'I'm so in love'_ crap."

Peter felt Wade hide a smirk in his shoulder, and bit back his own. "Sorry, Tony, just 'cause _you're_ not getting any doesn't mean the _rest of us_ are grumpy old men."

Natasha let out an uncharacteristic and extremely unflattering snort, before catching herself and looking surprised at her own indignity.

"Oh, no, please continue, I'll wait," Fury said, menacingly. Peter snapped to attention and stilled on Wade's lap, shrugging off his boyfriend's continued advances. He may be Spider-Man, but Fury was still freaking terrifying.

 

* * *

 

The moment that Peter decided they really need to quit screwing around with their teammates (by screwing around with their teammates _present)_ came along a few days after the fight with the Doom Bots.

Peter and Wade were alone in the Tower, and Wade was making pancakes while Peter was playing a video game.

Peter looked up suddenly, having realised Wade had been suspiciously silent for far too long. He made his way to the kitchen, and wrapped his arms around Wade from behind, resting his chin on Wade's shoulder.

"Everythin' alright, boo-bear?" Peter asked, pressing a kiss to Wade's strong jaw.

"Peachy keen, bubble butt," Wade said in his Truthful Voice™, flipping the pancake that was bubbling away on the stove.

"What'cha thinkin' 'bout?" Peter asked, nuzzling into Wade's neck, loving the warmth radiating from his boyfriend. He could spend days wrapped around Wade.

"You bouncin' on my dick," Wade answered just as easily as if Peter had asked his name.

"I think you've made enough pancakes," Peter said hastily, taking the pan off the burner.

Unfortunately, neither of them had the foresight to move out of the kitchen, which was how Tony found them in an extremely compromising position.

"Do the phrases _'safe food handling'_ and _'sanitary kitchen'_ mean nothing to you pair?" Tony shouted, Peter's eyes snapping open. He wrapped his legs tighter around Wade's waist, from his seated position on the edge of the kitchen bench.

"If you move a muscle, Tony is going to see a side of me you don't want anyone else to see," Peter threatened quietly as he felt Wade tense to move away.

"At least let me pull out and tuck myself away," Wade hissed back, sounding thoroughly annoyed.

"Shut the fuck up, and get the hell out of my kitchen. Now!" Tony yelled.

"Technically, it's the team's kitchen," Wade pointed out, and Peter slapped him lightly on the shoulder.

"Right," Tony huffed, stomping over to the sink where he grabbed the pull-out rinser, "If you two insist on behaving like dirty animals, I'm gonna treat you like dirty animals."

"What--?" Peter's question was cut off by Tony pointing the rinser at them and spraying them with cold water.

Wade leapt back, and Peter quickly jumped down off the bench, pulling his pants up, mortified.

"Out! Get outta my kitchen," Tony growled, continuing to spray the pair until Wade grabbed Peter and dragged him to the elevator at a jog.

"Oh my fucking god," Wade gasped for breath once they were in the safety of the elevator. "We broke Tony Stark!" He giggled.

Peter caught a glimpse in the elevator mirror of the two of them, sopping wet from head to toe. "We gotta stop now," he groaned, biting his lip, knowing if he laughed it would only encourage Wade. "I think we've put them through enough."

"Hey, that one wasn't even on purpose!" Wade protested as the elevator came to a halt and opened up to their private level.

"I think we scarred Tony for life, we seriously have to dial it back," Peter grinned despite himself.

"But I only just got you all to myself," Wade cried, pulling Peter into a hug and smushing his face against Peter's neck. "I wanna show you off to the world. Wanna show everyone you're mine!"

"Okay, here's the deal then," Peter began, willing to compromise. "You can pick one visible place to leave a hickey. And every time it fades, you can darken it again. No matter where we are. As long as we're not at May's. I'm all for playing games with the team, but I don't wanna give my only living relative a heart attack."

"You drive a hard bargain, Mister Parker," Wade conceded, mouthing at Peter's neck, trying to find the perfect spot to leave his mark.

"And no more fucking anywhere we can get caught," Peter added, slightly distracted by what Wade was doing to his neck. "You might be into exhibition, but that's a hard no on my part."

"Can I get your hard yes on _my_ parts?" Wade asked, palming at Peter's crotch as he picked a spot on his neck and bit down, none too gently.

 _"Yes,"_ Peter moaned, tipping his head back.

**Author's Note:**

> I had fun writing this. That's all that matters, right? Hope you guys kinda had fun reading it!
> 
>    
>  Please send me prompts/leave me feedback <3


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